The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
