I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
