there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
