I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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