I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
