how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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