At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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