We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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