no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
