I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
