people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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