yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the day after is always just damage control
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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