just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I will pee on everything he values.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
