Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
