Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
