Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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