Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
