What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
