Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
