Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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