oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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