my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
