There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
