Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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