When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
