i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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