I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
