Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
