He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
