Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
