The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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