I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
