WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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