I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
