Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He better not be in your backpack
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize