There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
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