Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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