Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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