So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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