can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
this will be a night to untag.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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