i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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