the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
