im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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