wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
