Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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