my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
