y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
