Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
