Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
