he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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