oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
