i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
im holly from the hills drunk
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Randomize
