'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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