FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
