Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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