Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
