"it" just moved
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
