just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
