Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize