if i can run in heels then i can drive
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
