Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
