I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
