I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize