The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
People in love make me want to vomit
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
