So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
