man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
